I don't care -- ugh

Hey! I don't know when I stopped wanting to be the best version of myself at the expense of what others thought, but it's a thing. And it's daunting to navigate the waters of perceived rejection, especially when constantly met with verbal regurgitations of someone's doubt. 

Rejection is a beast. 

Doubt is, too. 

Constantly confronting the internal dialogue is crucial. 2 Corinthians 10:5 has a new meaning as God tests our faith in our perseverance. 

In the end, may we be perfect and completely lacking nothing.

✿ What internal dialogue can you confront? And pair with the truth found in God's word? 

Now that you have reflected (and if you haven't taken some time—do that), I have to share what's happened over the last few weeks since writing when running away isn't an option. 

Okay, listen; as I stood in the kitchen a few weeks back preparing to wash my hair in the sink, I heard, "You are no longer passing through." 

I needed time to explore this meaning, and I have finally settled that the last five years cultivated the soil for the years ahead. The years 2018-2022 were of uprooting, unlearning, healing, and redirection that led to the establishment. All the tears watered the ground for 2023. I count it as not a coincidence that I turned 23 in 2018. Twenty-three in the bible (no, not angel numbers) is symbolic of the end of the death of something. The ending is an indication of a new beginning. It is on this foundation God can build my calling. 

Those who sow in tears shall reap in JOY! 

Bring on all the joy, Lord, because the last five years have decided to square up with me. 

✿ Write down how God speaks to you. The moment you acknowledge it, you won't stop seeing it. For example, when God revealed how he talks to me, it started with writing and numbers, precisely the number 22. I always see 22 when God confirms something. 

One Sunday, as I left the church, someone leaned over and told me, "It's okay to be great." 

Immediately, I tightened my core and held my breath. To be great felt like auditioning for target practice, but I realize we can not apologize for who God's called us to be. 

 

In Exodus 31, God made Bezaleel a master at every skill necessary for his kingdom assignment. 

I am sounding the alarm! 

May you master every skill God has for you unapologetically. 

No more will we despise who we are to make others comfortable because self-rejection is a thing, too. Let's stop drinking the Kool-Aid and just be. 

I may not know when I stopped wanting to be the best version of myself at the expense of what others thought, but I do know when I unsubscribed from this thought process. 

Today. 

Your accountability partner,

Janae Carlee

P.S. My keep-going journals are now available if you need a new journal to start documenting your journey.