God doesn't waste the wait

Finding your way back

In 2018, after a breakup, I surrendered to God as my Elevation internship began. I asked God to remove all idols, and my relationship ended the day I arrived in Charlotte. This turning point came as I was learning to have faith and believe in the impossible, fresh out of college.

As a child of divorce, I had no interest in marriage. However, before my 2018 internship, God used this relationship to show me something I didn’t know I wanted. Only to take it away. I mourned the life I suddenly desired.

But even in my grief, I realized I wanted God more.

When doubts crept in, I quickly shut them down, trusting that if God said it, He would do it.

Near the end of the internship, I’m sitting in my car when, clear as day, God tells me that as soon as I get married, I’ll have children just as quickly. I’m side-eying now, perfectly content with my one little bean burrito, but the Lord continues, saying they’re vital to what he needs us to build.

After completing my internship in 2018, a new season began as I remained single until 2022.

In 2021, three years after my internship and while I was still single, I felt God tell me to move. By faith, I relocated to Texas, intending to attend law school at the University of Texas at Austin. Before moving, I applied for a legal assistant position at The Creator’s law firm, run by a Jesus-loving female founder. I believed God would confirm Texas as my next step if I got the job. During the process, I sensed God hinting that the founder would use my design skills. A surprise since my goal was to become a lawyer. She hired me as a designer, saying I would stay only long enough to gain what I needed before stepping into my true purpose. Two days before my 2023 wedding, I was let go. That circumstance taught me to depend on God and to trust my husband as he learned to provide for us.

Neither dependence nor trust is easy, but together we learned to move forward.

We married in 2023, after we met on a dating app five months after I relocated to Texas in 2021. I wanted to wait a year in marriage before considering a baby.

Six weeks into pregnancy, September 2024, I thought I miscarried. I was calmer than expected. A friend picked me up, took me to eat, and my small circle—those I’d told—rallied and prayed. I kept it small on purpose.

I was sad, knowing what God said, but my body seemed to tell a different story, so I couldn’t yet reconcile the two.

That night, before our appointment, God told me this is a season of joy. Joy is a posture, position, and decision.

This sense of joy carried me through a smooth pregnancy, even though I was labeled high risk for fluctuating amniotic fluid, which started at 26 weeks and resolved at 35 weeks.

I wanted what God wanted for this pregnancy: the right doctors, hospital, and people around me. When the scare happened, the Lord redirected me to a new OB, and I received the care I needed, especially during delivery when I tore badly. It’s rare for an OB to stay four hours, but mine did. The week I went into labor, an elder called and said God told her to assure me that the right staff would be there. My husband dreamed of a struggle during delivery, but in his dream, everything would be all right.

Looking back, those words proved accurate, serving as a reminder of how God’s guidance showed up at every step.

Looking back, marriage has truly been a rollercoaster of refining and surrender.

It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

Motherhood is easy and fun for me.

I share this to encourage your faith: when God says it, He’ll do it and orchestrate each step.

Believing and posturing your heart to receive are choices, despite the challenges.

The middle of our story shapes us.

The 2018 breakup pushed me to surrender, where I heard God’s instructions for later. Years later, now frustrated by how long it’s taken to build something sustainable, I remember that word, reframing these challenges as chances for character and conviction. However, after my delivery, I stopped talking to God. I was so traumatized. The silence that followed felt like brain fog.

For 10 months after delivery, I only remember my daughter and her milestones. The rest is a blur. My mind felt stuck on repeat. Now, as she grows independent, I step out again, writing in small steps and returning to myself.

It’s taken 10 months of wrestling to return to His presence, as this story reminds me, He’s always been there, and it’s the start of a new conversation with Him.

During postpartum, the decision to leave Texas troubled me as the fog lifted. After being sent by God, I wondered if leaving was His plan. Listening to a podcast, I heard the speaker say that God says, ‘If you obeyed me coming here, obey me when it’s time to leave.’ That struck me deeply, then came God’s peace.

As I write, the awareness of His presence grows clearer. If you’re finding your way back, start by remembering what He’s done. Let remembrance be the road.

As you sit with these questions, let reflection draw you forward.

What if the silence was a part of God’s plan?

What if the distance was intentional for your maturity?

Be encouraged,

Janae Carlee