My burden, his blessing
The transmission on my car blew.
I cried.
I cried harder than I’d like to admit.
It was not because of the loss of material possessions. It’s because of what the car represented up until this season of departure. I am in transition. As God said a year ago, I must make peace with the constant state of change.
Eight in the bible is symbolic of new beginnings and the time spent together.
My car.
Pearl.
My grandfather helped me purchase and provided financial support until I graduated college and secured my first corporate job.
Pearl and I have history.
I stumbled onto the Nissan dealership, hunting down a newer Ford to replace the one I had.
A search online led me here.
I saw her.
Pearl.
Pristine condition.
Mr. Rod convinced me to check out a Nissan as he ensured it was better than a Ford and certified as the Ford was not—bummer—a blessing in disguise.
I snapped a picture and sent it to my grandfather, thinking nothing of it as I returned to Greenville for class the next day.
I had just wrapped up my junior year. I was in summer school because God allowed me to become my university's first African American vice president for Student government.
We had to be on campus during the summer.
The incentive: free summer classes.
Tuesday, as I turned out another graphic for the athletics department, I answered the ring of an unknown number.
I don’t answer unknown numbers.
This day, I did.
“Your car is ready,” the familiar voice insisted.
“My car?” I replied
Mr. Rod from Nissan accidentally called me instead of my grandfather, who worked behind the scenes to get me the car I had snapped a picture of a few days prior.
I never told my grandfather about Mr. Rod or vice-versa.
I fumbled, anxiously dialing my grandfather because, indeed, this was a mistake.
Pearl, a 2015 Nissan Altima marked down on accident with 5,000 miles, was ready for me to pick up. All I had to do was put a $1000 deposit down, and my grandfather would handle the rest.
Fun fact: I saved it all by working multiple on-campus design jobs, including a scholarship fellowship program.
I had just enough!
*Ring ring*
“J’keyah, you busy? Come with me to Raleigh to pick up my new car.”
I scooped J’Keyah up, took the hour and thirty-minute road trip, pulled up at the dealership, and handed my grandad the cash in exchange for the keys.
I stood there in disbelief.
Said goodbye to my Ford—shed a small tear—hopped in the new whip and sped off. Pearl had some horsepower to her that my Ford did not.
You’re probably thinking, “Janae, you had a car; why did you need a new one?”
I didn’t.
Yes, my Ford showed minor issues with the Rotors, but he was in good shape. The sound system on that bad boy was jumping. However, something felt off, and I wanted a newer Ford just in case. It wasn’t a guarantee—the original answer was no—wait until you graduate.
Pearl and I had history.
She’s the first car I owned. The first bill I had. I was determined to pay her off when she became my responsibility.
I worked diligently to pay her off from 2018 until January 4, 2021. I secured my first big-girl job in October 2018.
I sat in bed, realizing I had enough to make the final $4,000 payment as I entered my second year of full-time entrepreneurship. I had just enough between my bank accounts, savings, and cash from a recent birthday.
Goodbye, $421 monthly car note.
Hello, title!
Step 1: Deposit the cash
Step 2: Consolidate my accounts
Step 3: Log into the car payment system
Step 4: Submit the final payment
*Ques the internal heart confetti*
I wrote a vision in 2018, and God did it—my car was paid off.
Despite getting laid off in April 2019. God provided, ushering me into full-time entrepreneurship. Each month, I had just enough until I had enough to pay it in full.
How?
God sent the clients.
To my surprise, the job I landed in March 2021 ended two days before my wedding in September 2023.
I’d been here before, but this felt different.
Over the years, my trust tested with all the transitions—it was not as anchored in God as needed.
On January 5, 2024, my car stopped accelerating.
I knew something was wrong, just not what, and hurried to get it to the autoshop in case it stopped working in the middle of the road.
I made it to the corner of Firestone before Pearl said goodnight.
My burden.
His blessing.
Firestone quoted me $9,000 to fix the transmission.
I respectfully declined, towing it to my apartment and deciding to sell it.
First, facebook marketplace.
That didn’t feel right.
Next, ebay.
It sold.
The buyer never made the payment.
I toyed with selling it to a junkyard.
Nothing felt right.
My mom encouraged me to get a second opinion from the dealership.
Same problem.
Different outcome.
His blessing—the service tech, new to the area, asked if He could purchase the car from me, quoted a realistic number of $200 less than what the junkyard would offer, and told me why he wanted the car, how his job would help him pay for it. After he fixed it up, I could if I wanted to repurchase it.
This felt right.
In this season of complete surrender, obedience, and trust, I could not afford the $7,000 price point to fix Pearl. Even if I did, the remains create a gamble in this Texas heat, as CVTs between 2014 and 2018 do not do well. Remember, Pearl was raised in North Carolina. Texas was too much for her. She did her best.
This is the first issue I’ve ever had with her.
Hypothetically speaking, I fix the transmission. I’m taking a gamble on the engine next or the transmission backfiring again.
More of a burden than a blessing for me.
For him, a blessing. He had the connection and a system to help him fix it.
I sold him the car.
He recently moved to Texas, had a car that gave out on him, and took rideshares to work. His job would help him cover the cost by taking a percentage out of his check monthly until it paid off.
A blessing.
Pearl would be on the road in no time.
I cried again.
The memories Pearl and I had.
Our time together is complete.
She is now in the hands of a new owner, whom I pray encounters God in new ways because Pearl was anointed and prayed over.
Pearl represented an instrument I used to worship God through prayer, song, and fellowship.
My husband and I prayed for him before we departed ways.
I saw the value even in sorrow. My burden, losing Pearl unexpectedly amid all life’s latest changes, became a blessing and divine set-up for someone else. He doesn’t have to worry about a car note, prayerfully, for eight more years.
Accountability tip:
Your burden can become a blessing for someone else. Even if the return is not tangible, God’s presence is evident. Allows desire God’s heart over his hand. I pray he knows God better because of this moment in time; God knew and orchestrated.
As for me, God blessed me with another vehicle that’s paid for on my behalf.
What a testimony.
In due season, I’ll share more.
For now, ask God to show you a blessing in disguise.
God’s timing is best.
Oh, by the way…
In episode two of my vlog, I will be exploring various relationships in my life. I'm splitting it into two parts to make it easier to follow. You will get a front-row seat to my day-to-day activities. Remember, done is better than perfect.
Your accountability partner,
Janae Carlee
Janae,
This definitely resonated with me on a deep level! As I was reading it, my husband and I were JUST getting our car back since NYE's when it broke down. After that, it seemed like it was a domino effect of things happening within the month of January.
I can concur with not being as anchored or trusting God in the midst of turbulent times and transitions. It was a GREAT test of faith, but today felt like a new season and the release of a weight.
As I was meditating on being still, I love the translation that says, "Surrender your anxiety. Be still and realize that I'm God." That's enough for me to rest in. 💕
“I must make peace with the state of change” wow. I feel like all of God’s children are about to walk into “a new thing”. This new thing is definitely going to require the willingness to get uncomfortable. I’m excited. I’m excited for you, sis!!!