I’ve noticed a trend: we struggle to give people the very thing we desire most. We hold others to a higher standard than we demand of ourselves, and the cycle repeats.
In my early twenties, when I was single and had time to read my Bible, explore, and show up for people in ways that marriage and motherhood have since changed, I read the book of Hosea for the first time. It was 2015, and I had just decided to take my devotions seriously.
I grew up in the church, but God was the God of my mother. I needed a personal encounter.
In Hosea, God instructed the prophet to be faithful to Gomer even when she wasn’t faithful to him as a sign of God’s love to His people. The story stuck with me, but I didn’t fully understand why until years later, during the pandemic, when Clubhouse gained popularity, and I connected with people all over the world. That’s when the Lord brought me back to Hosea and pressed this truth deeper into my heart: be to them what they haven’t experienced through what you’re strong at. We can be an answered prayer or an area of refinement they never expected, and vice versa.
Stay with me.
At no point are we supposed to wallow in abuse. But at some point, resilience becomes the nature of the game. We heal. We do the work. We hear God for ourselves. We find what we’re good at and we be that to people.
For me, that’s intentionality. I’m the friend who will sit with you in silence when words won’t come. I’ll come into your space, especially if you have kids, and leaving feels impossible. I’ll enter your environment, stop what I’m doing to be present, and show up in the ways that matter. I experienced postpartum firsthand and know what it’s like to show up for people and have it not be reciprocated.
And honestly? It’s frustrating sometimes. But if you’re consistent, people around you won’t always be, and your life becomes a mini deposit of that skill.
You aren’t responsible for how a person reacts. You’re responsible for how you respond. Remember boundaries. Don’t neglect those. But let God direct your steps to be what you’re strong at.
For years, I hated receiving words about fortitude. How much longer is this gonna take? Because in my flesh, I can only be so strong. But God’s strength is made perfect in weakness. I lean on Him to see me through as endurance, transitions, and obedience are things I’m good at. And they’re the very things that get tested.
Do I stand or do I flee?
Do I tear down altars built from generations of fleeing and stand like the tree in Psalms 1?
Or do I tear down the altars that give of self at the expense of self with no boundaries?
Both desires—to flee and to give—crash into each other. A collision with double-mindedness.
Instead, I’ll stand on what God reveals, letting grace be the answer.
I’ll be what God needs me to be, even when it looks foolish in the eyes of the wise.
I don’t expect us to get it perfect—we’re only human. To do our best from a place of relationship, with the expectation that God is ordering our steps. We won’t get it right. We will hurt people, and that’s where we humble ourselves, apologize, and become what God’s leading us beside still waters to become.
It’s in stillness that we can be.
So here’s my invitation: identify your strength. Lean into it. And extend grace to those around you who need what you’re strong at as an anchor and guide.
May grace be your portion to give and receive,
Janae Carlee
If this message stirs something within you, don't push past it. I'm still sitting with it myself, especially in marriage, where my expectations have taken precedence over what God commanded me to do in obedience. These are the questions I keep coming back to. Sit with these questions too, grab a journal, and actually hash it out through writing. Let God meet you in the middle.
JOURNAL WITH ME
Pause. Think about the last time you held someone to a standard higher than what you ask of yourself. Flip it. What strength is pushing through that someone around you could benefit from?
Now, ask yourself: are you more prone to flee from challenging situations or overextend yourself? These are altars—passed down or built in self-protection. Maybe it’s something else entirely. What might God be asking you to tear down?
Lastly, who in your life needs what you’re strong at without the interference of the altars you’re choosing to remove? Choose one small, intentional way you can show up for them this week, even if it’s not reciprocated.