What has become of my life?

Only a question you can answer

21-year-old me would be so proud of the person I’ve become because, honestly, we’re surviving. I remember the stress of graduating college, uncertain about what my career would bring—and let’s not forget the panic about health insurance 🙄.

I knew I needed it, but at the time, I had no idea you could stay on your parents’ insurance until 26. Praise God for that! I stayed on it until the clock struck midnight in June 2021.

Then God provided.

When I obeyed His leading and moved to Texas by faith, He didn’t just provide a job—my health benefits kicked in on July 1st of the same year. He made a way. I’ve learned that sometimes the stress is there to reveal where we’re not fully anchored in trust.

Fast forward to 2023, just two days before my wedding, my job ended, which meant I’d be without health insurance again. And to make it more complicated, I was battling a random case of cellulitis on my leg. After the wedding, the dermatologist wanted to biopsy it. Did you know that when a major life event happens, like getting married, you can be added to your spouse’s health insurance? Maybe it was just me who didn’t know.

God provided yet again.

My insurance ended in September, and the new plan started on October 1. So why am I tripping right now as I write this? Why are you trippin too at whatever you’re facing?

It’s because we have more questions than we do answers right now.

It’s easy to say we trust God, but do we?

At 29, I’m revisiting lessons learned over the past few years and seeing God move in ways I never expected. But here I am again—at a crossroads. No job, a desire to move back to my home state, and a heart that has to stay yielded to His leading.

Does He know best?

Of course, He does.

But when you’re in the middle of it, it doesn’t always feel that way.

And that’s the point.

He will provide.

He always does.

When you choose to live a life poured out to God, you can gather all the containers, but He directs the pour. And when the pour feels empty, that’s when we lean in, turn down the distractions, quiet our appetites, and sit with Him in the stillness of discomfort.

What has my life become?

This isn’t a sorrowful question—it’s a sober one. Because I’m doing things I never thought I would. Janae? Cooking every day? Crazy. I was kicking and screaming, craving takeout because cooking felt like a chore. But here I am now—a homemaker. God slowed me down. The performer in me is dying.

Not being able to get a job has kept me humble. I’m starting to see that this season has a purpose, even if it hasn’t been fully revealed. And like with every answered prayer, one day, I’ll look up and see how far I’ve come—living on the other side of the questions I’m asking now.

It’s a slow process, learning to do more with less.

If you find yourself in an unfamiliar space, take a moment to reflect. What would younger you think about the person you’ve become? Chances are, you’re further along than you ever imagined—even if this isn’t the path you expected.

We’re one step closer to where we’re headed, and that’s worth holding on to. Not to rush the process, but to provide hope in the becoming.

Never in my life did I think I’d be a stay-at-home wife, cooking two to three meals a day, reading and preparing to write a book, no longer designing. But God knows what’s ahead. Now, I cling to Exodus 14:14: The Lord will fight for you;you need only to be still.

It’s the “still” part He’s still working on in me.

This time, I’m determined to learn the lesson—the last time.

So, let me ask:

What has your life become?

With love,
Janae Carlee